I belong there. This summer, after my placement in Jamaica, I will be traveling around the island and flying to Guatemala to return to the belly of the earth. I will dig myself into the soil and breathe in the musk of my mother. My cherished lover. I have been out of the elements far too long, my body aches for substance and heat. There's nothing quite like nature and music that drives me wild. My spirit thrives in the jungles, not here in man-made cities. I asked my Maker last night to manifest in the form of something tangible. The breath is in all things, but I have turned a blind eye to his wonders. Yearning for the intangible, and taking my blessings for granted. No more. I am not present in this cold February, I am lost in my desires. But at least I am honest. At least I admit this, sincere. I sip this nectar, paying no mind that caffeine makes my already jittery self more jittery. I will begin to tremble in twenty minutes, while my heart makes leaps and bounds! There is no limit to my capacity for experience. I thirst for life in every facet of my being... The only reason I would even return from the wilderness of Guatemala is the promise I made to my mother. I will finish my education not because I learn anything that I couldn't already learn from the earth, but because when I commit to something, I shall see it through. The way when a bud decides to break, it surely blooms. It doesn't change its mind half-way and declare, "Nevermind this blooming, I choose to remain tight in myself!" It bursts open because it has to. There is no other way. Because the only way is upward and forward. I am this bud, cherished and breathing myself back to life. My only wish for this trip is to remain ever present and witness my Beloved in all his wonders... |
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