My love is dying, and he chooses to.
Is my lesson to surrender? How much more do you want me to surrender? You've made me surrender everything.
My master, my unborn, my father and grandfather, my mother and grandmother... my lover...
you've taken everything from me and still I stand back up and run to you. Take me too then! Why must you leave me here alone? Why must you cross our paths and take him so soon?
He is so stubborn, he won't open his eyes for a moment as he runs with them sealed shut toward the finish line. There are flowers that are blooming along the way, and in fistfuls he grabs them and runs over them before they can ever come into totality.
I am one such flower... pitiful in my despair.
I have ruined my throat and stomach with the pointless mourning of another's actions. I can't change anything. I am raw with sorrow.
For the first time in my life, it's beginning to sink in that the first person I will have lost to death will have been my lover.
I've never known anyone very close to me and involved in my life yet that has passed away.
When my master died in 2008, I had only met him once at the age of ten and was devastated still, six years later.
But never did I thought my first would be my lover.
And that he would shut me out the way he has.
I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go, how to live...
I don't want to live if he's not here. You can't take him like this. This is so cruel, I sit with Osho's words on Sorrow and feel only the hot tears stream down my face. I will have drowned in this sorrow before any light is born from it.
In my aloneness, I weep to no end. I long for my lover, but my lover is already dead.