Me. Don't they? There's something ssso delicious about the word ssssin. It's as if the very word invites taboo, temptation.. all things delightful and dreamy before morphing into nightmare. What's really mindblowing is that despite knowing better... despite knowing - even expecting the consequences of certain indecent actions - we do it anyway. We dive into these dark waters and take the ssssiren's bait. Say, I'm lovin' the letter "S" today. I remember when I tried to adopt a holier-than-thou attitude that some of these so-called "light-worker" hippy hypocrites of pre-dominantly California based artists were all about, I was convinced of my progressing ssspiritual evolution. Haha! My spiritual Self, which to me is rather hilarious, given the fact that we all were wishing for love and unity yet clung desperately onto what it meant to be "Me". Folks, the image you present to the public is the most important thing in the world, didn't you know? It defines your self-worth... to yourself. Without the validation of others, without the feeling of a sense of accomplishment - even in selfless services to humanity... without that pat on the back from another or even from your Self, you. don't. matter. The irony in that human struggle alone just makes me want to laugh until I cry. See, what we lack is sincerity. It has continued to be a most humbling experience, not judging others because I am such a flaming hypocrite. No really, I mean this journal in itself reeks of sarcasm and biting resentment masked in good humor but listen - awareness? Yessss. Compassion gives me wings! There's another S for you folks, Sin is a part of Sincerity. Get it? Off your pedestals! Go hug someone. It's late now, and I still have a three page essay to write for one of my classes... can you guess on what? ME! For the first time in my self-indulgent, self-centered, egoistic life... I could fucking care less about trying to describe who "I" am. Even to my own surprise! When I first received the assignment, I "pft" and thought it was going to be a piece of cake. There's nothing I enjoy more than speaking and analyzing and obsessing over myself. But recently, I just really don't care at all. I wake up in the morning and reach for the cover up and stop to think, "why bother?" Cover up blemishes for who? So I appear more attractive, for what? Say I do, then what? Am I worth more now? More likable? Happier? So I don't. And I head outside, and see guys check out other girls and eyes glaze past me indifferent. I am becoming invisible.. and my ego hates it! But I like it ;) I like not giving a fuck. I used to want to know about You so I could make it about Me. Now I don't care about either. I want to know about the World. About the Sea... about the elements that create WE! ^^ that was sooo poetically cheesy. I feel like anymore ramblings and I'm going to make the sequel to the Sound of Music. I never really finished the concept of what it was I was speaking about. But those of you with half a brain can put it together, and the ones that this entry brushed past.. don't worry about it. Life brushes past me all the time because I'm too focused on trying to figure out the meaning of it, rather than just living it. Goodnight ;) |
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Categories
All
Archives
July 2022
|