I have four admirers that love me secretly. In the shy spirits of their sensitivity, they yearn for me to notice them yet dare not admit this. Why? It seems that humans, however much evolved remain primitive in romance. Like the mammals of the Safari; we desire only that which is just beyond our reach. Even as the sun sets here in the tropics, the temperature does not cool. The fan remains off, and I lie beneath these white sheets with a kind of tormented masochism. The air is moist in this room. Hot. I feel pressured to do something, when all I really want to do is cry, but cannot. I want to drown myself in wine and smoke until it rises to the top. But I do not. The emotions are relentless and pull me in deeper. I am not afraid of the darkness, but most people are. That is why when I am summoned under, I prefer to remain alone. My sensitivity is betrayed by the cold judgement of people who do not understand. I am misunderstood beneath the lens of the intellect. You cannot reach me this way. You must be brave - vulnerable. Sincere, but with all sincerity, I say this.... instead we are all armoured and afraid and it hurts to relive this. So I toil when I hear the untrue criticism of people's own fearful nature directed at me. It is Friday, I could be sipping a pina colada on the beach, but I find myself lonely in the company of superficiality. Eyes that looks at me either with lust or disdain. Everyone sees only want they want to see. So instead, I choose this aloneness. And when comes a day where we want to reach out and really look, we all cower with defense, away. I think Hell is exaggerated in these great, written texts. It is really quite simple; Hell is a world filled with infinite, intimate potential; people parched, yearning desperately for connection and affection. yet, their fears inhibit them from receiving or reaching out. Hell is this, but what I want to know for more than just one hour, for more than just one day what Heaven is like. Not a taste, not a glimpse I want it in me like my lover would take me. Show me what Heaven feels like. |
7 Comments
Eddard Stark
5/21/2015 07:58:21 am
Ethereally refined and mobile like a hummingbird! The hummingbird is seemingly evasive beyond capture.. is emotional purgatory sensible?
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Dorrina
5/21/2015 11:48:38 am
Are you asking or telling?
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Eddard Stark
5/22/2015 03:52:30 pm
Are you concerned or intrigued?
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Dorrina
5/22/2015 05:00:58 pm
Who are you?
Eddard Stark
5/23/2015 04:22:14 am
I am dead.
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Dorrina
5/23/2015 09:22:06 am
Well then, rest in peace.
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Eddard Stark
5/23/2015 03:04:02 pm
Thank you!
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