I couldn't sleep all night, I lay there listening to the roosters scream out at 4 in the morning. Once they start, you know dawn is upon you soon. Even in the darkness of night, the Sun tells her birds to prepare us for her.
I wrote a few days ago that I was moving to Brazil, then overnight, removed the post. My life swings like a pendulum, from left to right and back again. One minute, my fate's signature signs Brazil, the next - someplace else.
One of the reasons I came to see Jao de Deus was to help heal the wounds of infant immigration. Since we left Iran, my mother and I have not been able to settle. As fate would have it, we have migrated to different countries, and the name on my birth certificate has become me over these years.
Donya means World in many middle eastern languages.
Dorrina means Pearl. And I have become this, the pearl of the World. And surrendered to it finally yesterday.
This intense desire to find a home for myself has seeped into the dry soil of the earth, to nourish whatever roots exist within me.
So be it, to be a flying tree for now. I carry my home inside me, wherever I go. The deeper I reach my heart, my home becomes me.
So does that mean it is time now to settle in frosty Toronto? No! I loved Brazil to bits and even here in Abadiania they called on me to stay but elsewhere beckons. I could not envision myself there, no matter how hard I tried. Spain kept coming to the forefront of my mind. Andalusia, Alhambra… the southern Spanish soils that I finally feel brave enough to discover.
For so many years I have been aching for Spain. Now is the time I go.
If you had asked me just this past Friday, "did you feel healing for yourself at the Casa de Dom Inacio?" I would have scoffed with disappointment and said, "No!"
But the healing is not outside of ourselves. The energy is certainly there. When you allow yourself to surrender, when you give up the fight… against your own shadow in the sun, you experience the healing. Yes.
I came to Brazil with the expectation that when I left, I will have found my home. I have no idea where that is in the world. But my home, I have found.