He came to me first in a dream years before meeting. I was torn between him and someone else who loved me deeply but ultimately, I discovered my heart belonged to this dark haired man who understood and accepted my every shade. Time and again, in these dreams I would push away in fear but his persistence was what I remembered clearly, and what was instantly recognized when at last we came to meet. He held on to the fate and refused to let go. He knew before I did, that we were meant to walk these plains together. In every dream, I would always find myself returning to the arms of his unwavering love. Initially, I did not recognize him to be the faceless love I had already married in other worlds. This man's beauty was overwhelming, and the intensity of our attraction frightened me. I sensed the grounds beneath my feet stir, and instead of celebrating the connection between us, I lamented in any feelings that resembled love. He was wild, like I had dreamed, yet incredibly grounded. I had never before met anyone with such depth of character, and refused to believe it were true. I was certain it was a grand illusion the world would test my own character with, to see whether or not I had grown. So I stayed away and prepared myself for his departure. But like a moth, he followed… unable to stay away. The day was smoldering as I made my way down the canyons, intent on finding water. I knew there was a spring somewhere close and risked the idea of losing myself in the wilderness to find it. The sun inched its way closer to horizon by the time I finally reached the sweet, blue calm untainted yet by our urban hands. I removed my clothes and felt the waters rush to me with welcome. I rejoiced in the sensation of her embrace as I slipped under. Nothing had ever been more natural, to return to the place I was birthed from. I felt her move into my every part, healing the aspects that had once forsaken the feminine. My tears were washed away by the wetness all around. There was no moment to separate the waters and me. We were one. At last, I felt the heartbeat of the goddess inside my womb. ~~~ For a lifetime, I had imagined that when I met my beloved, he would find me lost in some danger or tundra of vacant space, appearing from nowhere to lead me back to safety. Yet I realized after my heartbreak that I was holding on to an unformed memory of what fathers felt like for their daughters. It was not in my place to lean on a knight in shining armor. I had my own dragon to vanquish and self to save. In fact, it was at that moment of pure bliss and calm, the beloved appeared. He was Divinity's child, as I and all of creation around me. Beloved, manifest. There between the corridors of alabaster stone, our eyes met and all that was found, was in an instant seized. I had allowed the earth and her elements to rescue me. |
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