I awake to the sound of mandolins, the longing of your heart is a cry like none other.
I have swam in the sea of my children's woes. An initiation of the most intimate kind, he welcomes you with tears of joy and bind. The cord has been cut and buried, and I breastfeed this new life despite the pain of emptiness birth brings.
The pulse I once felt inside of me now rests beneath my breast. You look at me with all the innocence of beauty and presence. God is felt in the sweet sighs of this.
The night you were conceived, we made love from dusk till dawn. Intertwined in each other, with a similar breath pulsating to give way to you.
It is a lightening, the storm of Eros that becomes the prayer and plea.
Please, bring that life back to me.
Rivers of blood, the whisper runs from my heart down to his most secret space. And I hold you in my arms with utter abandon.
Tell me, how can I hold myself back when my body becomes then your mandolin? Playing me without practice, our passion holds dominion over the study of right and wrong.
My name and yours blend into one, and like a symphony of a thousand lives where we have wept our hello and goodbyes, you part from me in one final embrace.
Flesh that once knew no perimeters between the agony of attachment and cruelty, I have succumbed myself into following the wrong God.
Behind the veil of this passion exists only a bitter kind of end. Once the dream blurs the face of yours and mine, the storm of all we knew burns to ash these hearts that mend.
I am left alone again, beneath these sheets in my vulnerability. Lover gone, only his essence remains inside of me. What memories unfurl, of our bodies sewn together by that longing to belong?
Behold now! You are gone.
I must fine Him again in the plea bargains of my breath. Where is the God that I have strived to find in the passion of another? I feel Him now in my aloneness, in the music, in the elements of all that has come to pass. I feel him in the cresencdo and ask for death in the most complete sense.
I want only this, to die before I die. To allow the storm of you to vanquish the eternal me, and bring me once more back to that place of beauty.