I thought it was clever ;)
Well there really hasn't been any sex or weeping. A lot of productivity in work and academics. I feel like an instrument and conductor, fine-tuning myself to perfection. The level of dedication and drive is profound. I rise at dawn and bask in the light, soaking up the energy for a day of personal evolution. There is something lacking in my Aronofsky "Pi" ambition though. The sensuality that was so prevalent in the summer has frozen in these winter winds. When I imagine two lovers intertwined in their passion, they all but freeze before the snow beneath them can melt.
My entire life I dug into the heat. The sweat. The earth, and her pulse. Effervescent in bold sentiment. Bodies wet, pressed down with feverish affection. Again and again. How I wrote about it, how I lived and breathed it. When in the fall, the leaves of this ardor would recoil for the season's finale, I would cling unready to let go and turn in. There is something about Autumn and Winter that beckon all of creation to draw in and reflect. It is a time of great healing. Of slowing down. Of intimacy with oneself. Most of us dread it, others keep themselves entirely occupied to avoid the surfacing feelings of all that has been internalized. Whatever lay dormant beneath the heat of Spring and Summer rise to be acknowledged, forgiven and released. It is a time of great transformation; in tarot - surely the Hermit appears to symbolize his guidance. I moved through these years with an overwhelming need for verbal and physical affection. Reassurance. Conversation. Spectacle and Distraction. During this past year, I have tried to be as present as I could in communion with each season's gift. I felt the buds bloom in Spring, as did my bruised and bloodied heart. In the summer, I felt the earth hot between my fingers and toes. I dug through the soil with my fingernails and felt her breathe slowly in July's smoldering heat. Summer drove my passions wild, compressed all the while, I felt at any moment I would burst. The Fall and Winter I find suit my temperament in the chapter of my life where I no longer feel the desperate need to be touched by another. I am frozen in a way, but this stillness I adore!
There is a silence found in the blue dawn, something invisible and subtle that play my cells a wicked tune. It is so difficult for me to describe it in words, because the cold was always something I avoided, yet I delight in its temperament.
There is a coquettish grace. Proud and dignified.
In these winter wonderlands, I am falling deeper into the undiscovered waters of my soul. I am becoming crystallized.