There is this unrequited longing for connection, but with a broken heart, we seek comfort from a surrogate in our bed. How many of us are secretly (or even knowingly) in love with someone else, yet share our body and intimacy with another? Just to pass the time, or fill the void, or get our minds off what's really eating away at us... which is that our heart is yearning for connection, but lines of communication are compromised.
I'd rather be alone, we say. But is that really true?
I can count perhaps only on ONE hand, a minimal few that really reflect in their actions that statement.
The rest resort to being alone only because they are too exhausted and afraid to deal with the complications of deeper connections. It takes a lot of selflessness, a lot of self-reflecting and humility, patience and tenacity to embark on such a challenge with grace. Most of us are too maxed out because of life's demands to even take a full, committed step in that direction. Mostly we just bob by the doorway, one foot in, and one foot out... make our exit fast IN CASE we need to. Pre-nups in marriage? Thoughts of divorce before they've even wed.
And how about a messy break up, where once passion ruled the hearts of two lovers. Unfurled in their desire and heat for one another... only to seek a transitory and mind-numbing distraction from a rebound immediately after. If I come across as judgmental, I apologize. That is not my intention. I know the need for connection is great, and the emptiness that heartbreak particularly brings can be so painful that we seek to distract ourselves with some form of pleasure.
I rebounded once or twice when I was younger after painful endings to relationships thats even several months, years... I was not over. Even after a year, or two of celibacy, I forced myself to get out there and begin seeing others but I had not learned my lessons yet and was not ready for intimacy. The intimacy that I longed for was a devotional, tender kind. And what I settled for only hurt me deeply. So I stopped searching for surrogates, when my mind and heart were clearly still wrapped around a memory of an ex that I had not come to terms with. Imagine if you shared yourself with someone whose mind on another. Is that fair to you? Wouldn't it be something to have someone's complete attention and presence? Especially during such a profoundly intimate moment?
All I am saying is, give it a try. Because it is embarking on a relationship, of other sorts. You'd think it's embarking on a relationship with thyself. But for me, it's beyond that. After my heart has been shattered over and over again by emotionally and physically traumatic relationships, I turn my full attention deeper to the Source. There is nothing that can be more fulfilling than the bond you create with Spirit. It lives in each cell of you, in each inhale and exhale. Every moment becomes crystalized in this awareness and surrendering.
I think when we fully commit ourselves in this way, should a relationship come along down the road, it's not as difficult to approach it with grace. Because when you commit to living in your heart first with yourself, it radiates outward and does not cease just because challenges arise. But your commitment is never to another. That is why these unions fill people with dread and anxiety. Nothing is worse than feeling trapped.
The commitment is always first to the God within us, the spirit that lives and breathes in all things... from there it naturally exists in your partner which can be such an amazing, visceral opportunity to honor and learn by.
But tell me, if we are just using people as surrogates... and are ourselves surrogates for others...
if we never really take the true time to be alone, to embark on a journey of Oneness instead of Lonliness... how will we ever know? How can we ever grow into this potential?
I believe we as humans have glorified the concept of isolation. Isolation is just that. Inhibits you from the unity that is in everything.
Intertwine yourself in the vulnerability of being.