There is something about sky rise buildings bursting through cement that reminds me of the phallus penetrating Mother Earth with a sense of urgency now more than ever. What is our society morphing into? I cling to the bark of trees and rub the moist soil on my skin in an effort to root to the primitive Me that knows sex so well. It is natural when not thought out. Organic nourishment that fuels us to higher plains and inner depths. Most of all, sex to me is a meditation in which the most vulnerable aspects of my lover's soul and I bond to witness God in our wonder. I want to be dug into like the ripe, pregnant earth beneath me. I want to transcend like the heavens above me. But people... :sigh: People, and their delusions. Their neurosis. Perversions. Disconnected. Desperate. Is it fair to blame our apathy on technology? On LED lights blasting our sensitive pupils even as we lay down our heads at night to sleep? Who knows.. Society lives out their yearnings in secret. These are the quiet things we do, that our close ones know nothing about. For instance, when an outlet of sexual release such as porn becomes sickening or tiring, people either long for substance or venture further down into the world of perversity. The withstanding question that for a long time, I adamantly had a solid answer for; can two strangers really make love? You can imagine, being in a committed relationship with someone I was crazy about, I thought surely no. I even made a video blog about it, explaining in depths about how time and emotional intimacy play an important factor. When I discovered my ex kept the better half of himself hidden from me, after a period of heartbreak and turmoil, I realized the road to healing is a deeply personal one and something to be explored with an open minded commitment of acceptance and bravery. I would rather wet my appetite with every shade of color in my human experience than live a black and white world of Right and Wrong. What does that even mean, anyways? Right and wrong. Two sides of a coin. That being said, to explore within the realm of my integrity is something necessary and can never be compromised, ever. As I have done in my past. These people that think it is alright to cheat on a beloved, or those who help partake in it, deception, inconsistency, mercurial affection. No thanks. Been that, felt that. There is no intimacy to be found when foundations are built on lies. I want to explore the hidden passages of human longing, and what easier access than the Web? Some of what I found shocked me. Besides the insatiable lust (or is it loneliness?) that consumes men and even women to seek sex so blatantly online, I noticed that these people reveal a more honest facet of themselves to strangers than to the people in their day to day lives. With this kind of honesty present, is it possible then, to experience a raw form of lovemaking that reflect the forces of Nature? Not intellectualized, not moral or immoral. Sustinent, like the elements. In the way the water ploughs into the earth after a storm. Is that even something I am looking for, brave enough to welcome through the door? It occurred to me that I could play with this question and explore it to the regions of my comfort without getting too involved. I have ventured into the dark corridors of broken people's minds in my past as "research for my work" and in turn, wrote from a very personal space, the violation and sadness of human demise. But at what cost? I have traumatized myself for the sake of art. I was expendable to myself, furiously pouring out words that invisible muses whispered to me in the dead of night. Wishing that I could split this identity of mine in two, and make love to myself in the physical way that all beings are bound to. No one knows my body and passions as intimately as I. The irony is steeped with bitterness in that the closest person to you is the most elusive to touch. So the novel continues, I have grown restless again. I have grown tired of words that are fluffed up to impress at first, then disappoint later. I don't want to dig into another's mind, I only want to know their body as my own. Can he be bold enough to open up to a stranger at first touch? Can I? I want to find out where this crimson road leads me, into the realm of novelty? In the end, it might prove perverse and shallow like the world is becoming around me. But maybe, just maybe, I might experience the fever of what poets in our pasts have whispered about. In the arms of someone strange, unknown. And yet to the earth, born of this mud - so perfectly known. |
9 Comments
Lucky
7/22/2014 03:21:47 am
Absolutely. Cupid is, and will forever be, the worlds worst sniper.
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Jose
7/22/2014 10:23:06 am
And that is why some men cant make eye contact with women. Everything in moderation.
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