I awoke this morning in the vacancy of an overspent mind. Elsewhere for the ends of winter. It dawned on me when I awoke, that I avoided inventory this season with daydreams. During the past few weeks, I absently listened to the omens of daily synchronized bind reminding me that I have not grieved. But I have. Enough... haven't I? What else is there to grieve that I have not shed tears upon? I am tired of these rivers, but even without me, they run. I have spent the past months in ecstatic anticipation for what awaits on these travels. The days pass with progression in my academics and arts. I feel open and extroverted after living so long in self-imposed isolation. The smell of spring's heat is felt in between the fading cold of this year's winter. I feel the blush of this season mixed within the wind. There can only be laughter amidst the rays of sunshine with the blessing of having family and friends around. But my body seems to tell a different story. Should I laugh, tears instead begin to stream. With recent lack of sleep, I have deep rings around my eyes. And fatigue during the day, again, causes them to water uncontrollably. Whatever the release is for, my body is not waiting for permission to cry. Perhaps I am stuck somewhere between the Hot and Cold of reincarnated soul demise. These layers are melting. Are dripping down my hands and fingertips. This I whisper in secret, a sadness uttered behind closed lips. And I am used to this emotion, there is a familiarity to it. An exquisite agony that those who have not made peace with, call me a masochist. I am not someone who actively seeks pain. Though should it come to me, I have learned no longer to resist its unique sensation. There is a beauty to be found in all shades of human expression. If only I could dig deeper and within me, weave together the conscious and unconscious. Albeit, perhaps it is the distinct separation that makes me sensitive to the subtle space in between the hot and cold. For it is within such spaces that the song of mystery is told. |
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Categories
All
Archives
July 2022
|