And it never fails to be the host and anguish of anxious thoughts. She is too honest, my body. She cannot endure the unending grief that takes place in just one day. Skin like a transparent veil where for others serves as armor. Against the toxicity of all that goes felt and buried in the streets. On the trains. In the smoke and debris of ruthless daily competition. Compete for seats. For jobs. For a space in a cramped elevator. The push and the shove. Breath held. Compressed. Body so stiff from the stress, like a frail twig, I could snap. And you know it gets dangerous when she checks out from reality and retreats to the world of her dreams. A softer place, with gentler touch. Where the body does not ache and scream, but sing with unfathomable ecstasy. Ah, to be alive and dancing! To move with such grace! To be blessed with the sensuality of a woman's form... to breathe in this beauty... is a torment to me. Because I cannot enjoy food the way it is meant to... to swallow organic green, lush plants grown with love and opulence. Instead, to wander through sterile aisles and buy produce unknown if it is gmo. Or rushing through the week, and cramming preservative-based food into your mouth as you run late to here. Late to there. Squeezing yourself between the myriad of faceless strangers, all the while screaming inside. I have never gotten used to this kind of living! And I don't think I ever will... yes, this body is a cage to me. And I weep at the beauty going to ruins... my skin can never be kissed and made love in the way it was meant to... as sex in modern society has become more of a perversion than an art. The one salvation from it all we had was this, this... amazing, divine gift of connection. The most powerful form of meditation gone to loss... There is only ash from the flame of faith in my mouth, between my legs, all over my face And I have lost it. I say to him, I have lost it. My body aches and decays with pain from the subtle cruelties of the day's truth. It harbors itself in each cell, and lives between the folds of my muscles and bones. Everyday, when all of this adds up... I can hardly take it anymore. Either liberate me, or turn this cage into something else. Into a temple. Into a sanctuary. Just let me feel in my body the weightlessness of a freedom that is exists in a more forgiving world. |
1 Comment
lyon
2/5/2015 11:38:00 pm
The bitter dryness of heartbreak. Oh the growth that's on thy horizon..
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